After five hours of standardized testing this morning, I shuffled to my car in a comatose state of post-SAT brain sludge to be greeted by an entire colony of ants that decided to rehabilitate the use of my vehicle for insect habitation. After recovering from the initial shock of having my car repossessed by formicidae, I surrendered to the horrific task of driving my ant-mobile all the way home from Hoschton. Upon arrival to my destination, I vaulted my body outside to dust a veritable collection of these creepy crawlies from my limbs ONLY TO WALK FACE FIRST INTO A SPIDER WEB. And not just any spider web, oh no. It was a colossal accumulation of meticulously constructed arachnid architecture - leaving its thick, sticky, unending strands of spider goop all over my face and hair.
It’s not even 2:30 yet.
Life, whatever proverbial gauntlet you are trying to throw down, I refuse to pick it up.
I refuse to believe that the best years of my life are imprisoned within the confines of a public high school. I refuse to revolve the next year of my existence solely around grades, tests, and college applications. I refuse to limit myself to the numerical evaluation of my academic worth. I am more than a number, or a test, or even a student. I am a human being and I intend to spend the next year of my life LIVING. Too many days have already been focused on “perfecting” skills that will never be applicable to life outside of high school. My life is too short and too precious for me to spend one more second of it obsessed with being the best at completing an endless route of education that has nothing to do with my passions. This year, I am a senior. This year will be different. This year, I will live.
I wonder what my life would be like if things were different.
If I had said no. Or yes. Or maybe.
I wonder if I would cry as much or sigh as much or feel alive as much.
I wonder what it would be like to have you gone or have you back or just keep moving on.